Sirach 15:15, 18 If you choose you can keep the commandments, they will save you; if you trust in God, you too shall live…. the Lord; he is mighty in power, and all-seeing. The eyes of God are on those who revere him. Psalm 119 Instruct me, O LORD, in the way of your statutes, that I may exactly observe them. Give me discernment, that I may observe your law and keep it with all my heart. 1 Cor. 2 What eye has not seen, and ear has not heard, and what has not entered the human heart, what God has prepared for those who love him, this God has revealed to us through the Spirit. Matthew 5 Of adultery, I say to you, everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.,,, And in marriage, make good to the Lord all that vow, if you may. Let your Yes mean Yes, and your No mean No.
On this Valentine’s Weekend, I will talk about five “love languages” that everyone has, that is, according to relationship expert, Gary Chapman. He wrote a millions-selling book that has been used by many couples, and also by friends and family, to better understand how to love others.
Then, in the back half of the homily, I will mention 6 love languages that I have thought of this past week in regard to connecting best ourselves to God in love.
That’s where we are going….
3 jokes to start: A/ What did the Starbucks barista say to her boyfriend when he came by? “I love you a latte.” B/ A guy started dated a tennis player, but it didn’t work out. Why? He said: “Love meant nothing to them.” C/ For married persons: Why should you not ever laugh at your spouse’s choices? Because you are one of them.
Here are Chapman’s 5 Love Languages. 1/Quality time. 2/Acts of Service. 3/Receiving gifts. 4/Physical touch, and 5/Words of Affirmation. Some people feel loved fitting mostly into one of those categories, he says. So if you are one that very much likes, say, receiving gifts, as a way of being loved—those significant people in your circle should understand that it the best way to love you. ‘Ok? That’s how it works. Yet, that same person getting the gift, say, from their partner, may not be married to a fellow “Gift Receiver” Love Language person. Instead, their spouse may be a “Words of Affirmation” person. So the way to respond to that kind of person is not necessarily by gifts nor things, but much of by timely kind words or ways of appreciation. That type of affirmation person may not be as touched by getting flowers or a fruit basket or Bundt cake from you, yet instead be touched by your notice of them and offering words of appreciation. For example, you say to a words of appreciation person, “Hey, I see that you went out of your way to shovel our drive out of that ice and to get my car out and cleaned—that was terrific of you. Thanks.” Then, in a later time, like in the evening, you look at them deeply and say more kind words to them. It is what most touches them with love. That is what “love languages” are—as Chapman tries to help people learn what type of love person others are, so that you can express love best to them. It is all about orienting yourself in loving others in the way you know that matters to them.
For another example, in the category of Quality Time people, these people in your circle will feel most loved by your giving them quality and undistracted time, with phones and computers off—helping them to feel loved and attended to that way even more than touch or special words or service or a gift might do.
A retiring coach with this love language was so blessed when the school gave him a meaningful farewell party, where they said to him how they valued his being so available and present for many throughout the years. He was “there for them.” Those comments (and the good turn-out) meant more, in love, than the gift of an antique clock to him. (Which they also gave.) So, that is an example of “love language” communications in relationships that can help things work out.
Now, let’s turn things to knowing how we can love God in the ways to best connect with Him.
But, before that, here another joke for me to tell!! In my last year of dating, before seminary in Autumn, and on Valentine’s Day1982, I was at a costume party mixer and I met this beautiful co-ed there. She was dressed as a thief, as in jewel thief or something. I liked her, and she went off to the ladies rest room for a break, but didn’t come back, and then it was that I noticed how my Rolex watch was missing. (visual—Looking down in shock at my wrist.) I was feeling like giving up on co-ed mixing and going home, when I noticed this pretty woman there who came dressed as a Slinky. That was so creative and it attracted me to want to meet her. I called out for her. She was on the main floor and responded to me quite pleasingly by coming down to meet me on the lower floor, and she had the most amazing style and walk. She came down the steps (indicate in motions of a slinky toy flipping over, step by step). I have never seen someone move like that! We talked a very good while and I felt that it might be the greatest match I ever had. It was exciting. Then I suggested we go upstairs to get some drinks and appetizers, but she said: “Only if you’ll carry me. I don’t go upstairs well.” (!!!) She must have weighed 300 pounds in that costume, and I hurt my back—and we parted. That was my last effort at dating!
But seriously! I came up with 5 Love Languages for our best relationship communication with God. If we can recognize ways to best love other human people, then how can we orient ourselves to best love God? I came up with some…
#1. We should approach God by trusting in Him and His plans. In Hebrews 11:6 it says that “without faith it is impossible to please God.” Turn that over, it says: With faith and trust, it is possible to please God. In fact, in Hebrews 11, it mentions more than a dozen Bible people who pleased God by their trust. Thus, we have a clue on how to best approach God. Let us come to God in that orientation of Him loving those who approach in trust. In today’s 1st reading in Mass, the Word states that God brings down His attention to those who revere Him—which is a way of trust. Mrs. Stever calls it the FROG approach. Fully Rely on God.
#2. We should approach God by obedience. John 14:15 and 1st John 5:3 says that those who love God keep His commandments. So, if God likes us to follow in His Ways and designs for living, then, if we do, we open up a much better relationship with Him. Today’s portion of Matthew 5 says that people who do not keep their word in promises, even like in marriage, or other important matters, can make a mess of things. But a heart listening to God and being prompted by God is a better strategy for living well.
#3. Lean not our own understanding, but on God. Proverbs 3 gives that wise advice, and today’s epistle says to take good advice, too. God wonders why we will not lean on Him for help in life. If He would sing a song to us, then maybe it would be “lean on Me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend, and help you carry on.” The Bible quotes Jesus saying the same: “Take My yoke upon yourself…and learn from Me, for I am meek and gentle, as to provide rest.” Matthew 11:29
#4. Have no idols before Me. God has been saying this advice since Moses’ time. But we put many things before Him, as we are guilty in doing that in human relationships, too. A wife bought an advanced video game for her husband, as a way of giving him a gift that he would like. (Knowing his love language!) But he ended up playing the game twice as much, and so the giver got more shafted and the video game gift was his newest “idol” away from loving fully the thoughtful spouse he had. God gets this treatment a lot, too. Have no idols. So, like the dating person who turned his phone off so to be fully engaged with his date, to give her quality time (another love language example), we need to give God the same focus or attention. (By the way, Fr. Virginus tells me how distracted he is getting doing Mass because of the many phones ringing during the liturgy. It probably is distracting others, too—and if it’s your phone, it’s distracting you from God.)
#5. For our Love Language help to loving God, as He likes— let us bring a Firth Way to do it. In John 4, as Jesus saw to the woman at Jacob’s well, we are to “worship God in Spirit and in Truth.” What does God like? The Father particularly likes it when His Son is offering us mediation, as Head of the Body, the Church—so that we worship well to Abba. When we gather at Mass, we are doing something that Jesus made clear in His Last Supper that would be most pleasing to God the Father. So—congratulations for being here at Mass—a communication God prizes a lot. He does like gifts that He has put on the list Himself!
In that worship, bring your whole self into it, and be generous. “God loves a cheerful giver.” 2nd Corinthians 9:7. Be here to give to God. It includes your cheerful giving to His parish here *(take a look at our Winter expenses so far, as listed in the bulletin)—but that cheerfulness is all part of the greater gift of presenting ourselves happily to God—“we are your people, the sheep of Your flock, Lord.” Ps. 100. Be first here not to get, but to give to God. It’s truly the right way to do it.
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